Good grief it’s been a long time since I typed anything that didn’t start with the phrase ‘With this essay I shall attempt to dispute a pile of random psychological theories spurted by the insane mind of a bored theorist’ I never actually typed that, but I assure you that if I had it would have been infinitely better than the boring droll I ended up with.
So where has Nessie been for *CHECKS WATCH* well, nearly a year? Why, I’ve been trying to better myself through the pursuit of higher education. After years of thinking that burping was a socially acceptable form of communication I decided it was time to *AHEM* ‘put a formal qualification to my years of practical experience’ and get a psychology degree. Hm, not difficult when you say it fast! My first venture down the psychology trail began with a stop off at community college (yes, they’re as dire in Scotland as they are in the rest of the world) to get my spring board running jump at it through a foundation year level of Counselling Psychology. Well, if you didn’t hate me for leaving you all months ago without my acerbic humour, then when I tell you what a freakishly crazy few months I’ve had at college, then you’ll be positively baying for blood!
My first week consisted of getting in with the ‘wrong crowd’; actually that’s a misrepresentation of the phrase… Because when I say ‘wrong’ I mean crazy, and when I say ‘crowd’ I mean me. I mean I carved out a wonderful niche for myself from day one with my jobbie jokes, inability to shut the hell up and the continuous absence of any form of filter between my brain and my mouth became pretty irksome also… I’m informed!
The course has kind of progressed like that; lecturers would teach us wonderful things about Freud and Skinner… And then pause for me to make some haphazard comment about sex or poop, or both! Fellow students (many of whom are a great deal younger than me) rolling their eyes for the umpteenth time as Nessie attempts, yet again, to make her arm pit make a fart noise. Yep, as hard as it is to believe; Nessie is every bit as bad in real life as she is on the internet… A fact which pleases and scares me in equal measures.
I’m not finished my course at the college yet, I’ve got another 2 months to go before the joy of being photographed with my diploma and my ‘I survived’ shit eating grin! I’m currently applying to universities to continue down the psychology route because… Believe it or not, I actually do want to know why I find so much comfort in blaming my mother for everything! Anyway, needless to say I’ll be on here more now. The fact you guys hung around for all this time speaks volumes about you… And not in a stalkery way either! Over the next wee while you can look forward to such gems as ‘How I offended an entire University with the use of a toilet flush’ and ‘The etiquette I deployed to address someone with a fake eye… The dos and don’ts of the stare down’! This is hardly the greatest comeback blog, but I wanted you lovely people to know that you’re continued support with be rewarded… With more inane ramblings from a crazy, non-educated Scot that loves to make you laugh.